The other day at work, a customer asked me, “Can I ask you a personal question?” Thinking she was going to ask me a shallow question like what my favorite breakfast food was (pancakes, duh), I enthusiastically answered with a “sure, go ahead!” I was quickly taken back and probably awkwardly stared at her for a few seconds when she asked “What do you do for dating here?”
I responded, “I don’t.” Now, don’t pity me or wonder what is wrong with me because I’ve been single for so long. However, this encounter really got me thinking, am I just a sad soul that while my friends are getting themselves married, the only warmth I’m feeling at night is from my body pillow? Which, by the way, is one prong less desperate than the boyfriend pillow. Also, disclaimer, not only will a body pillow never leave you or judge you, it doesn’t get clingy when you don’t call. You all should invest in one.
I digress. In all seriousness… well, semi-seriousness, I started to contemplate the trajectory of my life as a single woman… err lady… college student. My mother told me that my two goals this semester was to find an internship and find a husband… ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m not bashing those who get married young, or those who always have a man in their arms, but let me for even a split second, just make you jealous of all the things that are socially acceptable for me to do as a single human being that have no prospects of a significant other in the near future.
I don’t have to care about what I look like in my Facebook photos… or real life.
Do your thing Joakim, let them haters hate.
There’s no such thing as dressing to impress when you’re not impressing anyone. I literally wake up, do a little of this hair flipping and out I go. You’re lucky if you see me with anything other than contacts or nerd glasses on my face.
The only committed relationship I’m in is watching Walter White in Breaking Bad on Netflix all day long.
I prefer vicariously living my love life through Robin & Barney.
I get to travel to awesome places without having someone to account for… other than me, myself, and I.
Taken in the middle of the Swiss Alps.
I get to save a buttload of money.
The only money I’m spending is on myself. One less holiday to worry about, one less present to worry about.
Confrontation, drama, problems intimate the heck out of me. Maybe because of my lack of sincerity
Not only do I literally run away from uncomfortable situations, I lack sympathy and patience for trivial issues. That kid that’s bugging you in class because of the way he talks? Please tell me more…
Maybe I’m immature, but at least I’m not dragging anyone down with me.
I can barely take care of myself. Also known as, eat all the food and do none of the exercise.
Call me selfish, but I can’t possibly exert the energy or brain cells to care for another human being when I’m failing at taking care of myself. After all, I did just blow my month’s money on food for a digital piano. Priorities.
My friends don’t have to fight for my attention.
Not that I’m popular or anything… in fact quite the opposite. I have all this undivided attention to spend on my friends. “Hey Connie, want to watch a movie?” “I can’t, I have to hang out with my boyfriend.” HA. JOKES. But then again… maybe I’m just the clingy friend.
I can barely remember my own birthday
Let alone another person’s birthday, anniversaries, holidays, significant other’s step-mother’s birthday.
I can freely express my love for these fine specimens.
This almost became another post.
I almost never want to talk on the phone or really any form of small talk.
How was your day? Is my way of saying “I’m being polite, but please don’t say anything other than ‘good'”.
Love Makes Me Vomit
PDA, romantic gestures, all of that. Gag me.
So, being single is awesome.
But not going to lie, it’s me coming to terms with the “forever alone” fact that forces me to have this state of mind.
Happy freakin’ Valentine’s Day.
Ok, but seriously, I’m happy for everyone that’s in a good relationship – they’re hard to come by. Respect. Now let me wallow in my loneliness.